Last week’s tip for loving the imperfect man you married was to Give Him Priority.
Tip #3 is this:
Affirm His Strengths
Your husband needs to know he’s making a good difference in your life. Words of affirmation are huge. It’s hard for us, as women, to understand our husband’s need for this validation. We tend to view this need as a weakness or defect. In reality, it is simply how he is wired. Men need to feel a sense of competency and mastery. Our admiration affirms that they are capable and we notice. Your husband won’t tell you he needs admiration. He’ll just pull away in the absence of it.
Giving affirmations has some important benefits. If you’ve found yourself being negative about your husband, focusing on the things he does that annoy or upset you, rather than the good things he does, affirming him regularly can reprogram your negative mindset. Over time, you will begin to see him in a new, more positive light. Secondly, affirming him has a role in reducing his stress. Knowing he is appreciated and admired reduces his stress level and makes him feel good and connected to you. When he is less stressed, he is more available to be loving toward you.
You’re just not an affirming kind of person? Chances are, you didn’t get much of it yourself. Learning to give affirmation may be a stretch for you but it’s a stretch worth making. Your husband and your kids will benefit – and while you’re at it, throw a little admiration your way!
This week, try offering a few genuine affirmations of your husband’s strengths. Notice the response you receive. If he is dubious, simply offer another later. Try offering five affirmations to every one complaint. See how this ratio boosts your connection!
Check back next week for the next of the 10 Tips to Loving an Imperfect Husband!