Loving Listening

Loving Listening

If I’m honest with myself, I have to admit, listening is difficult. I would rather be listened to and understood than to listen to Gary. I want him to be riveted to my concerns about my day, but when he wants to offload the stresses of his, my attentions seem to wander elsewhere. Why is this? Why is listening so hard? When was the last time you listened to your mate with the sole intention of understanding their experience?
Before we get to what we can do to hone our skills, let’s explore why listening is so tricky.

Keep It Physical

Keep It Physical

Marriage is a wonderful opportunity to learn to receive and offer touch. Holding hands, kissing, hugging, enjoying sexual intimacy keep a marriage connected and provide those touches that can soothe our stresses. As God designed our bodies, when we experience touch or have sexual intercourse, oxytocin, the ‘loyal, bonding hormone’ is naturally emitted which causes us to feel more relaxed and emotionally close. Touch has reciprocal benefits; both the giver and the receiver benefit.

Arguing Bites

Arguing Bites

Ever notice how just one word can inflame and argument? Gary and I are wired to enjoy winning. We enjoy some fun competition, but we also like to have the last word. And sometimes that last word can ruin a perfectly good day. Conflict can get out of hand quickly. Depending on how much emotional reserves you have in your tank, small issues can escalate into major ruptures of relationship. When your tank is fairly empty, you can react to real or perceived offenses of your mate in a split second. When the tank is fairly full, you are likely to be able to overlook minor missteps and address major ones more thoughtfully.