Ditch Assumptions

I have shared a number of lessons with you in the series 10 Tips to Loving an Imperfect Husband…

Next is Tip #7:

Ditch assumptions.

We often make assumptions about our husband’s behavior. We take what they do personally or attach meanings that may have nothing to do with what they did or thought. We can also be very confident in our assumptions. We take pride in knowing what our husband’s real motives are. We actually believe we can mind-read, and any explanation on their part is less credible than our knowing.

Our confidence in our assumptions is often based on something called confirmation bias — the tendency to look for evidence to support what we already believe to be true. When we look for such evidence we will inevitably find it. Problem is — we also exclude from our awareness any evidence that would dispute our assumption.

Before you assume, check it out! Instead of concluding, “You don’t care about me or the kids!” ask your husband what he meant by what he said or did. You can’t read his mind and he can’t read yours. Checking out your assumptions demonstrates respect by acknowledging he may think differently than you. In truth most of our husband’s behavior is either motivated by neutral or positive intentions. Checking it out allows them the chance to clarify. If you’re going to assume anything- assume positively. Give your husband the benefit of the doubt. Assume he’s not intentionally out to dash your dreams.

“Begin challenging your own assumptions. Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in awhile, or the light won’t come in.”

– Alan Alda

Check back next week for the next installment of 10 Tips to Loving an Imperfect Husband!