Respect is huge for guys. Studies show it’s bigger than even feeling loved. Just as he desires to be esteemed in his work setting, so your husband longs to be a competent husband. Any show of disrespect, causes him to feel put down and inadequate. When you ignore, discount, compare, correct, ridicule or demean your husband, he is hurt to the core. If he is angry or reactive, nine times out of ten, it’s likely due to feeling some level of disrespect.

Your husband needs to know he’s making a good difference in your life. Words of affirmation are huge. It’s hard for us, as women, to understand our husband’s need for this validation. We tend to view this need as a weakness or defect. In reality, it is simply how he is wired.

As women, we’re multi-taskers. Lots of things and people clamor for our attention. We do, however, have limited bandwidth. We can’t be all things to all people. To get it all done, we often put our husbands on the back burner. When kids are young, we may think that their needs are more urgent and those of our husband can wait.

When you married, you likely had a dream of what your life would be like and who your spouse would be. It doesn’t take long for that idealized image to give way to seeing your husband for who he really is—a real person with imperfections. Learning to love the real man you’ve married may be challenging, so here’s ten tips that can help you do just that.