Your husband needs to know he’s making a good difference in your life. Words of affirmation are huge. It’s hard for us, as women, to understand our husband’s need for this validation. We tend to view this need as a weakness or defect. In reality, it is simply how he is wired.
As women, we’re multi-taskers. Lots of things and people clamor for our attention. We do, however, have limited bandwidth. We can’t be all things to all people. To get it all done, we often put our husbands on the back burner. When kids are young, we may think that their needs are more urgent and those of our husband can wait.
When you married, you likely had a dream of what your life would be like and who your spouse would be. It doesn’t take long for that idealized image to give way to seeing your husband for who he really is—a real person with imperfections. Learning to love the real man you’ve married may be challenging, so here’s ten tips that can help you do just that.
Ever notice how you or your mate can start talking about something seemingly minor and within a short period of time it has escalated to something very major? Perhaps it starts off about who left the toothpaste cap off the tube or who was supposed to bring the mail in and within five minutes you are so exasperated, one or both of you are hurling accusations about the selfishness or defective character of the other. Ever ask yourself, “How did we get here?”
There are many reasons things seem to heat up quickly. If you have not been connecting recently, your emotional bank account may be running on fumes. With little to cushion the tension that rises between you, you or your spouse may react impatiently or without thinking, which sets off the other.
When is the last time you intentionally focused on being thankful for your spouse? If you’re like me, you spend more time stewing over the things that annoy you than the things that stir appreciation. Why are we so prone to focus on the negative and ignore the positive?
Sometimes the stresses of life get in our way. We get going so fast that there is no margin to step back and smell the flowers and kindle a sense of gratefulness. We get hung up in the dutiful side of life and forget the importance of being thankful.
My husband, Gary, has been in sales all our married life. For much of that time, he has traveled. Sometimes he is gone for one night; sometimes for two weeks. No matter what time he arrives home he has a routine when he returns. Before he heads to bed, he has to unpack and put away everything in his suitcase.
“Come on, honey. Come to bed,” I would say. “It’s two in the morning. We can get that tomorrow.” Reasonable, right? Evidently not. He would stay up, make sure that last pair of shoes had hit the closet, and then lay down. Now, Gary is not usually particular about his stuff. That’s why I always thought this to be strange behavior. For the first ten years of our married life, I would shake my head, thinking he was strange. Occasionally we’d argue about it. On the next trip he might not unpack, but sure enough, the following trip, he’d resume his anal behavior.