My husband and I got in the first fight of our marriage painting our kitchen. We had a good friend over at the time and he was shocked that we would be having such a heated discussion. My husband had one idea about how to paint and I had another. That was the first of many arguments in our marriage and I wish I could say they were all conducted with respect and maturity but that is surely not the case. When we are feeling hurt, disrespected or invalidated our worst side can come out.
When we get in arguments, we may revert to conflict styles that are the product of our upbringing. Without conscious awareness of our experience with and attitudes toward conflict, we are likely to reproduce unhealthy patterns.