Do you ever find yourself saying and doing things in the heat of conflict that you regret? It can be super helpful to determine, in advance, what the “rules of engagement” will be for you as a couple—what are the guiding principles you will always strive to live by when it comes to conflict. No matter what, you won’t cross these lines. Here are a few ideas to help guide you as you consider your “No matter what’s.”
Do you sometimes assume you know why your mate is doing something or what they’re thinking? We often jump to negative conclusions and we take quite a bit of pride in the accuracy of our conclusions. When we consistently misread our mate’s intentions or thoughts, it creates frustration, hopelessness and rebellion in our partner. It also makes it impossible to resolve anything constructively. Here are a few tips to help you avoid assuming.
Listening to another person for any length of time is not easy. If we are honest, most of us will admit that we’d rather be listened to and understood than to listen to our mates. Here are some tips to help you and your mate become loving listeners and deepen your sense of connection.
Ever notice how just one word can inflame an argument? Conflict can get out of hand quickly. Depending on how much emotional reserves you have in your tank, small issues can escalate into major ruptures of relationship. Here’s some tips for de-escalating a heating conversation.
Learning to pray together as a couple will enhance your spiritual intimacy. Praying together joins your hearts and invites God into the daily challenges you face. Acknowledging your shortcomings through prayer can soften your heart toward each other and enable you to offer forgiveness more quickly. Praying for family members, work pressures, and life’s challenges can help you trust God in a deeper way as you see Him at work in your life.
Praying together consistently keeps your relationship focused on what is eternally important. There is no need to impress your spouse with your words as you pray. Keep it simple and sincere. Find out other ways to grow your spiritual connection.
When our mate wounds us, we can be tempted to think they owe us something. An apology would be nice and a guarantee to never do it again even would be even better. When we are hurt, it is natural to want to protect ourselves from further pain. We tend to withhold forgiveness until we feel that the other person has sufficiently paid for their offense. We self protect by keeping our barriers up in order to avoid future hurt.
Withholding forgiveness suggests that we are blind to our own imperfections and hurtful ways. On the contrary, when we see our faults clearly, we have a better vantage point to see our mate’s flaws. When we show a willingness to extend forgiveness, our spouse will likely be more forthright about their responsibility in hurting us.
How do we go about forgiving our mate in a way that releases them from debt and paves the way for restoring the relationship?