When it comes to communication, we often think our mate thinks like we do. If your wife is upset, you reason that she might want explanations as to why she shouldn’t feel that way or some space to think it through. After all, that’s what you would need. Typically, if a man has something heavy on his mind, he prefers to isolate, consider the possibilities, and make a decision. He then can reengage with the matter settled. When he gives his wife the explanation or space he thinks she needs, she feels unloved. She concludes her husband is disinterested and uncaring.

Why is it that some apologies have a way of soothing a conflict and helping us reconnect, while others leave us feeling empty and distanced from our spouses? So often our apologies are couched in some kind of excuse or blame-shifting. We don’t want to take full responsibility or look like the bad guy, so we respond in a way that dismisses our spouse’s complaint and minimizes our accountability.