Whether you or your mate brings up an issue, how useful a conversation will be to the health of your marriage can be determined within the first five seconds of engagement. A harsh start up will likely go south. If you approach your mate with a soft, calm, appreciative tone, the possibility of having a beneficial conversation is significantly improved. Check out these guidelines for engaging your mate in a productive way.

Have you ever found yourself reacting so strongly you even surprised yourself? What might your own reactivity have to teach you? Truth is, if we stop and pay attention, if we let ourselves get curious about our reactions, we can learn to manage our conflict with our mate in a much more self-aware way. Here’s a few steps you can take to identify what’s going on inside you.