If we were to believe what we read at the check-out counter at the market, we’d conclude that it’s the single celebrities, the bad girls who have the market on hot and sexy experiences. Let me just say- absolutely not true. A National Sex Survey revealed that the married women who were most likely to experience an orgasm are conservative, religious women. Evidently, the safety provided by a committed relationship can make sex come alive! Not boring!
Sometimes boredom has to do with comparing. You may have had sexual experiences in the past or even previous sexual experiences with your husband that are no longer happening and finding now that your husband doesn’t match up. You may be influenced by the sex portrayed in the media that shows it as steamy and self-gratifying and primarily enjoyed by unmarried folks which leaves you wondering what you’re missing. The truth is, fantasy is just that- fantasy. Rather than marinating your mind in what you’re not experiencing, try investing in the relationship you have. In any long-term relationship, keeping sex interesting and fun takes work! You might also invite your husband to try things that might make engaging more exciting or pleasurable for you. It’s okay to ask.
Women often have more difficulty shutting off the responsibilities of their day to enjoy physical intimacy. We are equipped with the ability to multi-task and tend to kids, home management, scheduling, jobs, friendships, often all at the same time. Sex can turn from something that helps us feel warmly connected to our mate to another demand in an already busy day. As sex becomes more of a duty than a delight, the focus can shift from having a mutually enjoyable encounter to appeasing the husband. Sex for you has become a boring obligation. He can become frustrated with this more dutiful attitude. The result: the topic of sex is tense.
A great antidote to becoming too serious and preoccupied is to initiate some playfulness! If you weren’t allowed to be a kid when you were a kid, this can be more challenging for you but not impossible! Letting loose can be a way of reclaiming the play you were deprived of as a child. Some of us grew up in homes where we got our approval from performance, so we’re driven to keep all the balls in the air and not allow ourselves to be silly. Some of us had the joy driven out of us by critical or over-anxious parents. Your relationship with your mate can begin to be a place of healing and fun, if you can get past old messages that keep you stilted and stuck.
Here’s a few suggestions to lighten up your love life:
- Play chase. This is easy and you can do it anywhere, anytime! At an unsuspecting moment, touch your mate and say, “Tag, you’re it!” and run! When you’re caught, do a bit of lovemaking on the spot! I had a friend who played chase on a cruise ship and lots of fellow passengers joined in to cheer them on! (They saved the lovemaking for their cabin!)
- Play hide and seek. Let your mate know you’ll be hiding somewhere in the house or yard and they have to find you in ten minutes. Lay out a blanket and have a few candles on hand to light and enjoy!
- Take a ballroom dancing class. Enjoy that tango, sans clothing in the bedroom!
Here’s two more I love from Pam Farrell (Red Hot Monogamy)
- Give each other $10 and a 20 minute time limit to stop by a Wal-Mart or Target to buy something that will make sex fun.
- Play Twister naked. Yes, they still make this game. $10.20 on Amazon!
As someone wisely once said, “Boredom is an insult to yourself.” So, take initiative and change it up with your spouse! Let go and get playful! Marital sex can be exciting and fun and can nourish the rest of your relationship.