Life is serious enough. When you are stretched to the max, you tend to lose your emotional elasticity and become more inflexible and exacting- on yourself and others. Your alert center in the brain pushes you to stay on top of situations and remain in management mode.
Women often have more difficulty shutting off the responsibilities of their day to enjoy physical intimacy. We are equipped with the ability to multi-task and tend to kids, home management, scheduling, jobs, friendships, often all at the same time. Sex can turn from something that helps us feel warmly connected to our mate to another demand in an already busy day. As sex becomes more of a duty than a delight, the focus can shift from having a mutually enjoyable encounter to appeasing the husband. He can become frustrated with this more dutiful attitude. The result: the topic of sex is tense.
A great antidote to becoming too serious and preoccupied is to initiate some playfulness! If you weren’t allowed to be a kid when you were a kid, this can be more challenging for you but not impossible! Letting loose can be a way of reclaiming the play you were deprived of as a child. Some of us grew up in homes where we got our approval from performance so we’re driven to keep all the balls in the air and not allow ourselves to be silly. Some of us had the joy driven out of us by critical or over-anxious parents. Your relationship with your mate can begin to be a place of healing and fun, if you can get past old messages that keep you stilted and stuck.
Here’s a few suggestions to lighten up your love life:
- Play chase. This is easy and you can do it anywhere, anytime! At an unsuspecting moment, touch your mate and say, “Tag, you’re it!” and run! When you’re caught, do a bit of lovemaking on the spot! I had a friend who played chase on a cruise ship and lots of fellow passengers joined in to cheer them on! (They saved the lovemaking for their cabin!)
- Play hide and seek. Let your mate know you’ll be hiding somewhere in the house or yard and they have to find you in ten minutes. Lay out a blanket and have a few candles on hand to light and enjoy!
- Take a ballroom dancing class. Enjoy that tango, sans clothing in the bedroom!
And I love these two from Pam Farrell (Red Hot Monogamy)
- Give each other $10 and a 20 minute time limit to stop by a Wal-Mart or Target to buy something that will make sex fun.
- Play Twister naked. Yes, they still make this game. $10.20 on Amazon!
So, let go and get playful! Your relationship will benefit and you likely will get a few much-needed laughs!