This is probably the comment I hear most frequently from women in my office. After a fight, a period of disconnection or sitting on a long-standing pile of resentment, wives have difficulty bringing themselves to be sexually intimate. Most often they feel it would be a betrayal of themselves or a lie to engage.
Some women feel very little, if any, energy for sexual connection. Low libido does not make you non-sexual. You are a sexual being by creation. If you have a low sex drive, there are many possibilities:
1. First, low sex drive compared to what? Your husbands? Almost 30% of women think they have a lower sex drive than other women. The truth is we just think about it less often.
If we were to believe what we read at the check out counter at the market, we’d conclude that it’s the bad girls who have the market on hot and sexy experiences. Let me just say- absolutely not true. A National Sex Survey revealed that the married women who were most likely to experience an orgasm are conservative, religious women.
At its core, intimacy means being deeply known and loved as well as deeply knowing and loving the other. It is about closeness and connection. Real intimacy makes us feel alive because someone has taken great care to look into the depths of our soul and see us for who we truly are and love what they see.
Intimacy is far more than sex, but it is also sex.
Our new series is entitled 5 Myths Women Believe About Sex.
One evening I was teaching a seminar on marital intimacy when a young wife approached me with a pained look on her face. “I don’t care if I never have sex again with my husband! I just don’t enjoy it,” she confessed. She had come to view physical intimacy with her husband as a chore and a burden which only benefited him. His desire for sexual connection was viewed as a demand and she was tired of “putting out.”