Next in the 10 Tips to Loving an Imperfect Husband series is…
Some confrontation is necessary. You both have ways that are hurtful to each other and a good marriage allows for the voicing of those concerns. Learning to approach your mate gently increases the possibility of a productive outcome.
When you have an issue that can’t be overlooked, you can choose to communicate in a way that is respectful and increases the chances you will be heard and receive a positive response. Here’s a recipe for sharing with your husband that will do just that:
- Express appreciation for his efforts and affirm his positive intentions (helps him feel respected)
- Let him know a specific feeling that you experience when the situation happens (helps him be less defensive than focusing on him). “When you commit and then forget, I feel frustrated and discouraged.” vs. “You never remember to do what you say.”
- Assure him that your intention in bringing it up is to have a closer relationship (helps him stay open). When used consistently over time, women have experienced noticeable changes in their husband’s desire to stay engaged and to respond positively.
It’s important when confronting an issue to be brief and calm. Guys can get flooded if there’s too much intensity or too many words. If they get flooded they tend to disconnect. If you’re upset, take some time to cool off before you approach him if you want a good result.
Check back next week for the next installment of 10 Tips to Loving an Imperfect Husband!